Tag Archives: funny

Guaranteed

One of my new favorite hobbies is reading the guarantees on Walmart’s Great Value brand food labels. Sometime recently they’ve redesigned their packaging to be white, blue, and simplistic, but with each item they include a guarantee of what they’re food will be. Usually the guarantees seem to be pretty safe. For instance, did you know that they guarantee trail mix to be fruity and nutty?

Thank you, Walmart, for guaranteeing that my fruit and nut trail mix is, indeed, fruity and nutty. Also, breadcrumbs are guaranteed to be crunchy and crumbly.

But some of the guarantees are a little less obvious, like distilled white vinegar:

Pure. Robust. Guaranteed. And I think one of my favorites is the guarantee on cream of chicken soup:

Versatile. Creamy. Isn’t that just perfect? I want to know whose awesome job it is to pick out just two adjectives to describe each and every Great Value food item. And maybe this could be a new dare/prank activity: walk into Walmart and try to complain that your cream of chicken soup isn’t versatile enough for you. See what they do.

Mice are not nice

Grr. Mice. We’ve had some episodes with mice lately, most likely because our backyard used to look like this:

But now it looks like this:

We’re happy to have the weeds gone, but apparently a few mice who had their home destroyed aren’t. Or, who knows. Maybe the mice are happier inside our cozy house.

Incident 1 happened on Sunday, when we had the big group of people over for dinner (don’t you just love mice incidents during your dinner parties)? One of our guests pointed out the furry intruder as it ran into our bedroom. Luckily we got the problem taken care of that night (and don’t worry; at least the mouse died full; he ate the peanut butter and cheese off of three traps before we got him).

We thought that was the end of it, until I was at home yesterday, just reading while Carson was down for a nap, when I heard something rustling in what sounded like the bathroom. At first I was scared that someone was actually inside the house; it was kind of a loud noise, and I had forgotten the mouse traps. But then I remembered. I figured that’s what it had to be: a mouse caught on the glue trap we had left in the bathroom. (Yes, a glue trap. Which have proven to be effective, but not our favorite, because they don’t actually kill the mouse and it’s left struggling and rustling in the next room, scaring you.) I called Josh, let him know, vented some of my fear, and mustered up the courage to at least go by and shut the bathroom door.

But when I went to shut the door I saw…(dramatic music here) the empty trap lying in the middle of the bathroom floor! Eek! The mouse had escaped! It totally could have been something from a horror movie (well, if the mouse were…like…ten times bigger and actually posed a real threat). Still, scary. I yelped and ran into Carson’s room, where we hid out until Josh came home shortly thereafter. But…no mouse.

So I made do with the downstairs bathroom until I eventually got over my fear, after Josh put out more traps. But every time we checked and there was nothing, I got so dejected.

I had just kind of forgotten about the mouse and regained enough courage to walk around the house again when today I walked into the kitchen for a snack and HORRORS: it was running on the counter! Ick! Ick ick ick. Then it hid in some crevice behind the dishwasher and I hid, once again, in Carson’s room, where we stayed safe and scared. Until I talked to my mom, the bravest, most go-getter person ever, and she gave me a pep talk into protecting my house, my domain, my food, my kitchen. I mustered up my courage, set another trap right by the dishwasher, and hid again until Josh came home. :)

That was all this afternoon. Now, after an excellent date night and dinner out, we’re home and all of our traps have yet to catch that darn mouse. :( Now I’m wondering how long I can go without using the upstairs bathroom or kitchen… Ick. Mice. This has definitely been one of the drawbacks to living in a fifty-plus-year-old house.

Our Calvin Snowman

If you’ve ever read Calvin and Hobbes, you’ll know what type of snowmen Calvin creates – full of character, pretty funny, and maybe just a bit morbid. In December we got the first big snow of the season, and Josh and I (inadvertently) created our own Calvin snowman.

He started out just fine, see?

We used some remnants of our Halloween costumes for the hat and glasses. Cute, huh?

But the next day, to our horror, we looked out the window and saw this:

Alas, someone had shot our snowman in the back! Okay, not really. It’s actually just another disaster with Rit dye (will that stuff ever stop haunting me?). I guess the hat had some traces of red dye on it. And then it rained during the night and, voila, our snowman has a red bullet stain on his back.

But the funny part is, our snowmen started to act like he did get shot. Observe what happened over the next day and a half (with no intervention on our part):

Tragic, isn’t it? And we didn’t even mean to make such a morbid snowman…still, he gave us a lot of laughs. :)

Paige’s Fans

Tonight Josh and I were sitting next to each other tonight working on our computers. Josh leaned over to look at something on my screen. Meanwhile, the internal fans that keep my computer cool were blowing ridiculously hard because my computer’s a little old and lost half of its memory (sad story). Josh commented, “Your fans are going crazy!” And for some reason, my first thought was, “Really? My raving fans? Cool! Where?” (I think I was picturing something along the lines of “Go Go Go Joseph” from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.) Um, no idea why I’d think that. But wouldn’t that be cool, if we all did have crowds/singers and dancers cheering us on when we were, uh, sitting at our computers and typing emails? ;-)

My second thought was, “Isn’t English cool?” I mean, come on, aren’t multiple-meaning words and ambiguity like that pretty fascinating, once you think about it?